I'm minding my own business on the treadmill, when in walks this pretty blond girl. She's about my age.
Two weeks ago I saw this same girl at the gym. I smiled to myself and thought about how it wouldn't be too long until I was as big as her.
Tonight when she walked into the gym, it was like I couldn't get out there soon enough.
Once in the privacy of my car, the tears started flowing.
Every day it's something.
Yesterday, it was Kate Middleton announcing her pregnancy.
The day before that, it was the friend's ultrasound picture on Facebook.
It's always something.
I hate that I feel this way. HATE IT.
I want to be happy for people. I want to share in their joy. Right now, I can feel is sadness and jealousy.
I don't want to be that person.
I'm afraid I'm going to feel this way for months to come. Until I'm holding my own little baby in my arms, I don't know how I can feel any other way.
I'm prayerful that God will bring me comfort and help me to feel some more positive vibes.