I may have crossed the threshold of TMI. I tweeted about my post-miscarriage blood work that I had today.
Some people are probably thinking, why is that crazy girl tweeting about this stuff? But honestly, I really want to share it.
I'm still so angry and frustrated. I'm moving past it, and I can smile, but I'm pissed off. Sometimes it helps to let the world know what I'm going through. People treat you better.
Also, if I have to look at your freaking ultrasound pics and pregnancy complaints on facebook and twitter, you can look at a few pictures of the blood work I am going through to figure out why I can't keep a baby (fetus) past 6 and a half weeks. To the person I'm following on twitter that complained about being "sick and sober" for the last three months, I'd gladly trade places with you. I dream of being where you are. I'm pissed off that I have a glass of wine sitting next to me.
I'm trying to somehow find humor in all of this, because having a miscarriage completely sucks. Having two makes you want to punch 80% of the people you come into contact with. I've found several blogs that really put a funny spin on on the whole miscarriage thing. Only those who are in this awful club are allowed to make jokes. I've also found some serious, more heartbreaking blogs. Both types help me cope. Sometimes I want to laugh about how nutso all of this is. Other times, I want to cry and stay on my couch all day.
*Be aware, some of these blogs use adult language. I don't blame them. I've used a lot of adult language in the last six months.
I read one blog, that of course I can't find anymore, that talked about how horrendous the whole transvaginal ultrasound is. In it, she compares the experience to the doctor using a joyce stick in her vajayjay. She also talked about how the doctor kept saying how awesome her ovaries were, like he wanted to date them. I loved reading what this lady had to say, because it was all so true. I too felt that same way. Even today at the doctor, he talked about how my uterus felt great or something.
Some of the blogs have really good advice. The following came from Pregnant Chicken.
Advice on what to say when someone you know has a miscarriage:
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had a miscarriage too. Let me know if you ever want to talk about it.
I don't know what to say but I'm here for you and I want to help.
Do you want to talk about it?
Offer to help with housework, babysitting, meals, etc.
Call and check in because the pain doesn't go away in a couple days.
This blog, really touches my heart. Everything she feels, I feel. Especially, the following words:
Feelings I’m ashamed of? Cattiness/jealousy of those in our lives who have become pregnant since we lost our baby.
What I know for sure? That this baby was our first baby…that I will never forget him or her…and that although the hole may get smaller and smaller as time goes on, there will ALWAYS be a hole in my heart for that baby that will never be filled.
Today, I had my post-miscarriage followup. I walked into the office, ironically, praying I wasn't pregnant anymore. If I had been, I would have to have to have had a D and C.
I elected with this miscarriage to not have a D and C, because it was so freaking expensive when we had the first miscarriage.
If it happens again, (PLEASE PRAY IT DOESN'T!) I would probably go back to having another D and C. The reason being, when trying to pass the baby on your own, you have to deal with a lot (A LOT!) of unpredictable bleeding. I actually ended up in the Emergency Room because the bleeding was out of control. I also had to take off three days of work.
Honestly, I should have taken off two weeks of work to recover emotionally, but I would have been facing so much when I came back, that it just wasn't worth it.
Anyway, so today it was all about checking to make sure that the baby had passed. Thank goodness, the pregnancy test they gave me came up negative.
Now, it's on to the good stuff. Now we can hopefully get some answers as to why me, a healthy 28 year old, can't get pregnant, while 65% of my facebook friends get pregnant at the drop of a hat.
I had blood work done. Here are the many tubes I had to look forward to filling with my blood.
Here they are, I didn't cry or pass out or anything. (Thank goodness Michael couldn't get out of work today, because if he could have, he would have passed out watching this.)
Please pray that these tubes of blood give us some answers!
If I had to guess what's causing the miscarriages, my guess would be low progesterone levels. I have yet to really feel pregnant. I just wonder if something is wrong there. From what I've read, this would be a pretty easy fix. Maybe we'll find out that this is an easy fix.