I am writing this two hours after getting a positive pregnancy test. This will be our third pregnancy in less than a year. We've experienced two miscarriages.
Yep, we got the double pink line.
I'm thrilled. Thrilled! It's like I've got on rose colored glasses. Finally, I don't have to secretly want to punch every pregnant girl I see. I don't have to find excuses to not attend baby showers. I don't have to wake up every single day thinking about the last two pregnancies. I AM PREGNANT!
On the flip side, I'm nervous as all get out. I'm scared that in four weeks we'll be finding out we lost the baby. I'm angry that I don't get to make one of those cute videos where we show us telling our parents, then watching it over and over again to see their excited faces. (We've got one of those from the first pregnancy. I can't even watch it without tearing up.) I'm jealous that I can't be one of those girls who naively gets to enjoy every second of her pregnancy without a serious worry.
As you can see, I've got a mix of emotions.
I couldn't decide how to tell Michael about the pregnancy. The first time, I framed a fortune cookie phrase we had gotten a few months prior. It said, "A special gift is on the way to you." The second time, I tearfully told him after he got home from work. This time, I thought I'd communicate with the help of technology. I texted him a picture of the pregnancy test. I was standing right next to him when he got it. His reaction was pretty funny. He threw his phone up in the air and smiled.
I think we are both so confused about how to feel. Once you've experienced two pregnancy losses, it's really hard to get excited about another one. If we get too excited, and something terrible happens, we'll have such a hard time recovering. We are both pretty matter-of-fact about it.
If we make it to 12 weeks, I think you'll see a change in our attitude.
I cannot wait to talk to Hopeful Hearts about this. I know I'll be surrounded by ladies who know exactly how I feel. It's so comforting to be around women who understand.
Please keep us in your prayers during this hopeful time!
Off to start my progesterone suppositories. Yep, those sound about as much fun as they are!