Have you ever woken up bubbling with excitement about an event that was to happen that day?
Yesterday, that was me. I woke up and lay in bed for a few minutes enjoying the butterflies. I was ecstatic. The reason: At 9-weeks pregnant, I had a 1:45 doctor's appointment. This was to be my second appointment of my pregnancy. The first one confirmed the pregnancy, and this one would be our first chance to hear the heartbeat. My sweet husband Michael was going with me. I cannot tell you how excited we both were. Then, I got out of bed. I went to the bathroom. Not to give TMI, but I noticed bright red blood. If you've ever been pregnant, you probably heard that a little spotting is normal. This was not normal. I immediately burst into tears and called my doctor's office. The on-call nurse told me to come in as soon as the office opened. That was about an hour away. After I got off the phone, I called my husband and told him what happened. Through all of this, I am sobbing uncontrollably. I made a few more calls to some co-workers and my mom. My precious mom also burst into tears. I tried to stay calm. It really could be nothing, but I think in my heart I knew that something just wasn't right. I finally met Michael at the doctor's office. We still had to wait about 15 excruciating minutes. All the while, I am just praying and hoping that it was just a fluke. Finally, we head back. We are immediately put in the ultrasound room. She puts the jelly on my belly and starts looking with her little machine. Quickly, she tells me to empty my bladder and come back. After that, she does a vaginal ultrasound. She kept moving it around looking, trying to find a heartbeat, but there was nothing. At that point, she told us the fetus appeared to be a little more than 6 weeks along, and she can usually find a heartbeat. She said that technically she couldn't made a call until 7 weeks, but that it appeared this little one didn't make it. Heartbroken is a word that is overused. I thought I had been heartbroken before, but I have never truly experienced that until this particular moment. We spoke to the doctor shortly after. He confirmed that the baby didn't make it. I know he's had to break that awful news to so many couples, but the way he talked to us, and the hurt that appeared to be in his voice made us feel like this was the first time he'd ever seen a miscarriage. He was so kind and so comforting. He hugged me and told me there was nothing I did wrong or could have done differently to change the outcome. He said that healthy pregnancies are hard to mess up. Something must have been wrong from the beginning. We then sat in a waiting room as he got ready to schedule me for a D and C. Michael and I were wrapped in each other's arms and crying our eyes out. A woman also waiting, who appeared to be at the office for some sort of routine checkup, came over and told us she was praying for God to comfort us. I will never forget that woman. She didn't have to say anything, but she chose to let us know she was thinking about us. It meant so much. After that, we went to the hospital to prepare for the D and C. Everyone we interacted with was so incredibly kind. I cannot stress how nice that was to experience. Soon after I got to my room, my mom and dad came. Mom was incredibly distraught. In a way, it helped to see that. It helped to be able to hold her and cry my eyes out. I couldn't have made it through that day without Michael, Mom, and Dad. I also couldn't have made it without all of Michael's family praying for us in Louisiana. We ended up waiting at the hospital for 6 hours. I was crying off and on all day. Mom rubbed my back and feet. Michael held my hands. Dad made me laugh. Finally, I went back for the procedure. I remember them rolling me into the room. There were like 5 people doing different things to me all at once. Then, I was gone. I woke up to a sweet nurse sitting beside me, and tears streaming down my face. The baby was gone. After about 45 minutes in recovery, I was back in a room with my parents. The nurse brought me the greatest Diet Coke I've ever had. (I had not been able to eat or drink anything all day.) After the nurse saw that I could keep that down, I was allowed to get dressed. My parents picked up my medicine, and Michael drove me quickly to Chick-fil-a. Then, we were home. Michael and I cuddled the entire night. If anything comes out of this as being good, it will be how close Michael and I have been brought together. I thought I loved him more than was possible before. Today, I know that my heart has even more room for love for him. He has been my rock through this. He has been the world's most amazing husband. You never know what to say in these situations, but everything out of his mouth has been so incredibly comforting. The day after, I went back to work. I took it very easy. The whole time, I couldn't wait to be back home with Michael. When I got home, I had two sets of flowers on my porch. Those ladies have no idea the amount of comfort they brought me. Thank you so much. Shortly after, we received an Edible Arrangement from Michael's parents. YUM YUM. Food always helps comfort. I pray that Michael and I are pregnant again soon. It is the most wonderful feeling in the world. I will tell you one thing, this horrible situation will make finally having a baby even that much more special. I have faith that whatever is supposed to happen, will happen. I haven't mentioned much about God and my relationship with him in this post. Without my faith, I wouldn't have gotten out of bed yesterday, or today. I know God has a plan. I know that our sweet little baby that didn't make is now in Heaven. For those of you who consider me a close friend, please don't be sad if you didn't know about this pregnancy. Hardly anyone did. Just a few close family members. Maybe a total of 10 people. We didn't want to tell because we were worried something like this would happen. Now, I kinda wish more people knew. I wish I knew of more people who had dealt with this. It seems to be a subject that is a little off limits.
I don't think it should be. Ladies, we need to be able to talk to each other about this. We need to be able to comfort each other. Thanks so much for reading this and understanding my heart. Love, Corrie