Michael is worried that the baby is reverse cycling. I'm worried that I am reverse cycling.
Actually, I think I'm just cycling. I'm going round and round and round. I don't know how to sleep. I truly feel like one eye is always open.
Thankfully, we purchased the Angel Care Baby Monitor. I don't know how any mom ever slept without this monitor. It sets off an alarm if your baby stops breathing. It's absolutely amazing.
I was in a zombie-like state the first few days we had to sleep without our parents here. I would put her down, try to lay down, then get up literally 5 times to check on her.
Now, I'm still going on just a few hours of sleep, but it's not as exhausting. This morning, I actually slept for three hours solid.
So, I highly recommend the Angel Care Baby Monitor. I would get it before the baby is born and test it out and get comfortable with it. It will make you feel so much better that first night home from the hospital.
*I have heard of some people getting false alarms with it. That has not happened to us yet.
So back to me reverse cycling.
It's 12:27 AM, and I've been trying to work on school stuff. This seems like a perfectly normal hour to do some grad school stuff, until I have a question about something. I really wanted to text my friend Ellen and ask her about it, but she might punch me if I text her at this hour. So, I guess this means I need to start working on stuff at a normal time. I doubt that will happen though.
I know I need to get back to normal, because I only have five more weeks of off time. It's going to be so hard to adjust back to a regular schedule.
I've also been feeling really panicky about school, both teaching and going to grad school. I'm actually about to get on my soapbox. Hold on, it's slippery.
I fully expected for things to be a little crazy with grad school. I knew I was biting off a lot when I applied to grad school knowing I was pregnant. I am having to work on stuff while on maternity leave. I don't mind it that much.
But, when it comes to teaching school, I'm completely stressed. I'm constantly worrying about what is going on my classroom. This is because my students' TCAP scores are such a big factor in my life, not my job, my life. This six weeks that I am out is still going to count toward my final eval score. Even though I'm not there teaching right now, how my students perform on this material that is being taught to them my a substitute will be on TCAP and will count as thought I taught it to them.
I say this score will play a role in my life because, if you weren't aware, there is turmoil happening within Shelby County Schools. No one is sure where or if they'll have a job next year because of the whole SCS versus Suburban Schools craziness. My scores will probably determine whether or not I get a job somewhere.
So, rather than be able to focus and think only of little Presley, I have all this crap running in and out of my mind.
I believe that these next few months will be the hardest of my life. Things will get a little easier once I know I have a job somewhere. Things will be even better once I graduate in July. So, I have to make it 9 more months... ha ha, like having another baby.
I am so incredibly thankful to be blessed with Presley. It is because of her that I am finally learning about what really matters in life. I suddenly don't care if I am a 5 or a 4 or a 3 or a 2 or a 1 at school. All I know is that I am a darn good teacher, and I'm determined to be an even better mother. I will not let evaluations and worry about school run rule my thoughts. In the end, I have Michael, Presley, and Stella. And that is all that really matters. If I don't have a job next year, we will make it work. I was one of the fastest checkers at Schnucks. I can always go back to the grocery business.