I feel like I write a lot about feeling anxious, but this week has been the WORST of the worst.
The weekend after we went to the doctor on March 28th, I felt wonderful. On top of the world. It was like the time when Michael and I first fell in love. Birds were singing. Butterflies fluttering. Just wonderful. We had gotten wonderful baby news!
Then, in the days after the weekend, the anxiety crept in. Today, the pastor at our church called it, "The Voice."
I started feeling awful, depressed, hopeless. I don't know exactly what caused it. I went to the gym to workout one night. I didn't do anything crazy. I ran about three miles. The rest of the time, I spent walking. But for some reason, I had myself convinced that my run had hurt the baby. The next day, I really started to panic, because I had horrible cramps. I THINK these were more gas pains, (Sorry, TMI!) but I'm not 100% sure. It could have been miscarriage cramps. At least, that's what the voice keeps telling me. I've also had some discharge that I experienced with the last miscarriage. But, discharge is normal during pregnancy. (That's what the websites say.) Either way, I have myself convinced that we are going to get bad news tomorrow.
I don't know how to quiet this negative voice that is keeping me in such a frightened state. I want to enjoy this pregnancy, but all I do is worry.
I dread and live for every single doctor's appointment. I will be a nervous wreck tomorrow at school.
Please, just pray for an ease in the anxiety. Pray for good news tomorrow.